We all have experienced our share of betrayal at some level or another and if you are an exception and have not faced any betrayal yet then its good for you but these betrayals no matter how hard they get; they make us stronger and wiser too.
I was reading one of Tony Robbins blog about trust and betrayal and it made me wonder that although I haven’t faced any major betrayal till now (Touchwood) but I have suffered my share of friendship betrayals in my school and college life and they are equally disheartening as a relationship betrayal.
Why Do People Betray?
To be honest, I still don’t know why do people betray? What goes on in their mind that they have the audacity to break the other person’s trust (and that too of that person who is closest to them). People don’t betray strangers, they betray the people they love the most or at least the other person loved them the most (because those who betray others don’t know the actual meaning of love and valuing the other person, otherwise they might have never betrayed them in the first place)
I Feel the Following are the Reasons that People Betray-
1. They never loved/befriended the other person truly and whole-heartedly.
2. They lost interest in the other person due to some reason.
3. They got attracted to another person.
4. They feel that their ‘bond’ is no longer special now.
5. They are too selfish to believe that the other person is naïve and will accept their apology to betray them and everything will be normal again.
(If you feel that there are other reasons too why people betray, then let me know in the comments below!)
Is Betrayal Valid If One of Them Thinks That They Have Lost That ‘Spark’?
To the person who is betraying the other one, betrayal is valid because they think that if they don’t have that same bond then why should they even stay together? Because that ‘love’ is gone now and there is no use to stay in a relationship/friendship in which they don’t feel that emotion anymore.
To some extent that is right because if there is no love in that bond, then that bond becomes invalid. But it is still not justified to break the other person’s trust that took them years to build it and you break that in seconds.
That person might suffer from trust issues for their entire life, just because you don’t love them anymore. They might always think that they were not ‘good enough’ for you whereas it is the other way around and they were ‘too good’ for you. And you never deserved that human. So, betrayal is a one-sided thing. It can be justifiable to one person but it can never be a ‘good-enough’ reason to leave them.
How to Recover From a Friendship/Love Betrayal?
Recovering from betrayal can be as tough as a child who is trying to solve a trigonometry question for the first time. At first, you’ll feel confused, question your worth, and maybe give up on yourself. But gradually, you’ll learn why it was an important step for you to grow as an individual.
If you have been in that relationship/friendship for a longer time, it might have become too toxic for you to even deal with it.
CRY OUT LOUD (if you want to)
Just cry out all the emotions that are going inside you. If you are too shy to cry in front of your friends or family, then go into your room and cry in front of the mirror. Shed a river out from your eyes, cry for days (if you want to), don’t feel embarrassed about crying, it is necessary!
TALK TO SOMEONE
After you have cried out loud, and all your anger, frustration and all those heavy emotions have settled down, get ready to talk it out. Talking about your emotions is a different type of therapy toward self-healing. JUST RANT IT OUT TO YOUR CLOSEST PEOPLE.
Don’t feel embarrassed that they might judge you about crying or obsessing over someone so much. They care for you. They’ll listen. Don’t worry.
Just talk your heart out to them. Convey your emotions. Tell them how you felt then and how you feel now. No matter if you get a solution from them or not, at least you’ll get the satisfaction of speaking out your emotions loudly and that now you don’t have to cluster everything inside you anymore.
GAIN A POSITIVE PERSPECTIVE
After these two phases are over, try to gain a perspective. Instead of thinking about why it happened ‘to you’ think about what did it ‘teach you’?
Instead of questioning your worth, think that maybe that person was not worthy enough for you.
Instead of thinking that you were not ‘good enough’ for them, think that you were ‘too good’ for them.
Instead of blaming and punishing yourself, LOVE YOURSELF and think that whatever happens, happens for a reason.
Instead of shutting off yourself from everyone, try to explore yourself and build meaningful relations with others.
Instead of facing trust issues for your entire life, try to be open and aware of how people treat you.
Be thankful for the struggles you go through. They make you stronger, wiser and humble. Don’t let it break you. Let it make you.
Give some time, and it will heal everything. You will eventually move on and learn a lot from these experiences.
Also, if you want to ask some life-related questions, you can chat with me by clicking on that side chat box and let’s bond over some positive vibes!!
Until then, live positively and happily!