Hey Gratisouls! So today’s blog is by our new guest blogger Jeffrey and he’s from Nigeria. Let’s welcome Jeff in our ‘GRATISOUL COMMUNITY‘ and see what he has to say about having confidence and being assertive in life.
The Importance of Confidence
Good day, Gratisouls. I’m Jeff, a guest blogger. A big thank you to Kaddie for letting me write here.
I hope you’d like and enjoy what I have for you today.
Ok, let’s begin by defining Confidence and assertiveness according to the Oxford dictionary.
Confidence; a feeling of certainty; firm trust (usually in oneself, abilities, or something)
Assertiveness; Quality of being assertive (without being aggressive.)
One of the most embarrassing days of my life was when I went to see my lecturer, Dr. John.
Before one gets to see Dr. John, one has to pass through Dr. Chukwuma, (The Evil Lord Voldemort 😕👿). We all know he’s a mean lecturer and only the rugged can come to terms with him.
I “was” really quiet and polite when speaking with my seniors, elders, and lectures (teachers).
So as expected I met Dr. Chukwuma first and was talking to him very meekly with a low (girly) voice “Good morning sir, Please I’m looking for Dr. John. Is he in there? Can I see…”Before I could utter any more words, he retorted, yelling with a loud voice “IF YOU CAN’T SPEAK AUDIBLY AND EXPRESS YOURSELF, GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!”
I stupidly did so. I left his office. 😕 Mumu me (in Lasisi Elenu’s Voice) and remembered as I was leaving he muttered to a few other students around him saying “…and later that stupid boy behaving like a girl will call himself a man in a few years.”
Major Thing that I Lacked in Life…
I lacked the confidence to express myself audibly and boldly. I wasn’t assertive at all to stand my ground, to stand for why I came – to see Dr. John.
I learned some things from that experience, yet I didn’t apply what I learned until a few years later. Can’t shake off old habits ai?
I have this friend, yetty. She’s really beautiful, nice and intelligent, but not so sure about things. She’s usually not sure if people around her like her, even her boyfriend.
She’d tell me even the slightest bit of things you do could make her feel you don’t like her anymore.
For example, her enthusiastic boyfriend friend (probably tired from classes/work) gives her a cold and short reply, she’ll immediately feel she’s done something wrong or she’s no longer beautiful in his eyes or valuable.
I was surprised when she told me because I felt someone like her, who’s almost perfect – beautiful, intelligent, nice, lively, and loves God should be confident about things and herself. And should feel people have to work to impress her and not the other way around.
I have this other friend, Osas, who’s usually confident even when he’s not sure. He’s choleric. This makes our superiors at work like him, they call to give him more tasks and he loves it. Even when sometimes he’s doing “rubbish”, he’s sure, he goes on. Sometimes we’re asked questions, I might know the answer more deeply but I would wait for another to answer to learn what I can, to learn more. He’d usually be the first person to answer, even when he knows the answer a little bit.
I talked about choleric people in my blog post “why you act the way you do.” ( https://jeffssoliloquy.wordpress.com/2020/05/20/why-you-act-the-way-you-do-1/ )
In there I stated that the introverted personalities (phlegmatic and melancholy) usually lack self-belief and confidence, while the extroverted personalities do not.
Read it up trust me, you’d love it.
Confidence, assertiveness, self-esteem.
Sometimes I am assertive. At work our boss would converse with us, interns (IT students), and expect us to respond at some point, no one would, probably because of fear. I would be the one to say something most times.
Sometimes the boss would call me the spokesman 😁
Talking about dating and asking a girl out, If you’re NOT assertive, you don’t talk confidently, you talk without belief like you lost a battle, she ‘most likely’ would say no to you.
She wants to know you’re self-assured, confident enough to make decisions, even for her when she’s not able to make for herself. She wants to be sure she can rely on you.
They want decisive, confident, and good men
Ladies reading this can attest to this.😉
Oh! And to you ladies, it’s not limited to guys alone. Girls need to be confident too. It just makes life and everything feel better, trust me, I know.
I’m not there yet, I’m working on mine but so far, I love the results I’m seeing in my relationships, school, and career.
It’s a process. Replacing old habits with new (good) ones ain’t easy. It’s going to be slow and should be steady. You should keep it steady.
In a dating relationship, the guy won’t want a girl who’s not confident enough to speak her mind. Who’s afraid her thoughts and Ideas might seem unintelligible, and vice versa with ladies.
Something to Ponder Upon…
We’re an intelligent species. Think deeply and speak up. If he is always condemning you and your ideas, it’s not your fault, it’s his/hers. He/she is insecure and toxic and you need to let go.
Our bosses at work want people who they can rely on. People who they can count on, who are confident and can make (reasonable and quality ones) with surety and without fear.
They want people who can confidently think ahead, people who even anticipate what the bosses want from the next.
These could be productive people. An asset to the company.
They don’t want people who don’t always know the next step to take. People who are always waiting to be told what to do to better the company. They won’t be highly rated in the company
In school, during our final project defense, you have to be bold when defending your project, talking about what you know, even if your write up isn’t great or you don’t know a great deal about your project topic. You just have to exude confidence for the lecturers to believe you do.
If you tremble in fear in front of the lecturers, not sure of your views, you’d be tackled, eaten alive and you’ll be broken. Your marks would be reduced too.
Dr. Dan usually likes to be engaged in his office, especially when you think he was wrong in failing your test. If you defend your stance confidently, he’d be impressed especially when you prove he’s wrong (which is extremely rare) and he’d more likely award a few marks to you for engaging him confidently (and politely too).
Confidence, assertiveness, self-esteem, and decisiveness work in tandem.
Remember there’s a thin line between confidence and pride.
Once again, thank you Gratisoul for giving me this opportunity.
Au revoir guys. ✌🏾
You can follow Jeff on his socials.
Twitter; ObiekwuJ Facebook; Jeffery Obiekwu
Also, if you want to know what’s the toughest thing that you’ll ever experience in your life, read this blog for The Times of India-
Until then, live positively and happily!!